i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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