oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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