How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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