I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.