3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...