It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
wow bdsm is so cute
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"