Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.