Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.