pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.