I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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