I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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