he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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