Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
