Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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