Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
