Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
