Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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