you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
