Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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