I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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