Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
