I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
