Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
