if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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