I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
