Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
