I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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