I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
