North Korea, Best Korea!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
