Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
