I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
