If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
