How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
