I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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