You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
