can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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