Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
