if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
