Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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