so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
