She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
