i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
