I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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