So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So many bounce houses so little time
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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