Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Randomize
