the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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