remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Vodka?
Forever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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