He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
