I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
