Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
