My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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