I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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