Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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