Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
