i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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