You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
