She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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