Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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