I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
