i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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