Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
