i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
